Because You Were, Bakura
by Natsu.Arisu
Summary: Bakura's been acting strange lately. His host decides to talk to him and see what's going on, and sees a whole other side of his darker half. Warnings inside.


(A/N:) Wrote this a while ago, originally posted on dA, not plagiarism, yadda yadda yadda.

Inspired by me seeing a baby crying at the mall. No joke.

**Notes: yadonushi = host, landlord; Amane = Ryo's dead sister (mentioned only in the manga)**

**Warnings: Slight tendershipping, but not intended. OOC Bakura, I guess. Strong language (from Bakura), a.k.a. overuse of the "f word" (from Bakura).**

* * *

_When we are sad, what do we usually do?  
Cry, right?  
Maybe we are angry beyond belief.  
We could cry because of that.  
Maybe we're so happy we could cry.  
So we cry.  
Maybe the pain is so unberable. The pain is just too much to handle.  
Maybe we cry.  
Maybe we don't cry at all.  
Maybe we hold it all back.  
Crying is a sign of weakness for some, and a sign of having a heart and being_ human.  
_Bakura couldn't care less about the second part.  
He didn't give a crap about that second part.  
He wasn't human.  
He was only a spirit.  
Crying was for the weak._

* * *

Ryo was starting to worry about the spirit. He hadn't spoke to Ryo in days, weeks.

Ryo needed to talk to him.

Stepping quietly out of his own soul room, Ryo tiptoed across the narrow hallway to Bakura's soul room. He took a deep breath, and lifted his hand to the door. With a bit of hesitation, he made two taps on the door.

There was a pause. Ryo felt his pulse going faster within his anxiety, and had the urge to knock again. Before he could, however, he heard a reponse.

"What the hell do you want?"

Ryo flinched a little at Bakura's harsh tone. No turning back now...

"B-Bakura?"

"Who else?" His harsh tone was still noticable.

"..."

"What do you want, yadonushi?"

"...C...Can I talk to you?"

"..."

Ryo fidgeted a bit, waiting for Bakura's response. He was about to repeat the question until Bakura finally spoke.

"Why the hell do you want to talk to me?" Despite the biting words, Ryo heard Bakura's voice falter. Ryo's eyebrows raised slightly.

He pretended to not hear it and continued, "I...I just want to talk."

Bakura gave no response, and at that, Ryo decided to invite himself in. The door squeaked open, and Ryo was greeted by the darkness of Bakura's room. Bakura was sitting in the corner of the room, back to his host. His arms were to his chest and his face hid within his arms. Ryo was surprised to see the spirit like this. He had opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Now what?

"You said you wanted to talk. So talk." Bakura's voice was slightly muffled.

"I..." Ryo started. "...B...Bakura...What's wrong?"

The silence was deafening. Ryo wondered if Bakura was pondering over his answer, or just ignoring the question.

"...Bakur--?"

"Nothing's wrong." That harsh tone again.

"...Nothing?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"...Y...You're lying."

Ryo saw Bakura flinch slightly.

"..."

"Bakura--"

"Shut up. You don't know anything."

"Bakura, I just--"

Ryo couldn't remember how or when Bakura stood up and faced him so quickly. "You just what? You just want to poke into my life and see what the hell is wrong with me?" Bakura was almost yelling.

Ryo was taken aback at his sudden change in attitude. "N-no, I just--"

"Well, guess what, yadonushi! I _wasn't_ fucking lying!! _Absolutely nothing_ is fucking wrong!!" His voice seemed to crack as he cursed.

Ryo stared a little wide-eyed. "I...I don't understand..."

Bakura almost laughed. "Of course! Of course you don't fucking understand! You know why? It's because _my fucking life is just too screwed up_ for you to understand. _Nothing_ is fucking wrong! _I have nothing._"

Bakura's expression was hard to read. He was angry, yes, but there was something about his eyes...They didn't match his tone. Ryo stared at the spirit, trying to comprehend.

And then it hit him.

He understood, now.

"Bakura...that's...that's not true--"

"Of course it's true! _I have nothing left._ It's all _gone._ It's all so..._wrong_...having _nothing_..." Bakura started mumbling incoherently, but Ryo was able to catch a few random words

...

Did Bakura just say "family"?

...

Of course. He was a spirit, right? So he _must_ have had _some_ sort of family in his distant past...right?

"...Bakura--"

"What?!" the spirit snapped. He wasn't letting Ryo finish many of his sentences tonight, was he...?

"What happened to your family?" Ryo _almost_ had no fear of the spirit, at this point.

Bakura narrowed his eyes after a few seconds. "They were killed. Murdered."

Ryo was surprised at his explicitly stated answer. "Wh...why were they--"

"Because of that damned pharaoh's father, that's why."

"The pha...?" So...was that why? Was that why Bakura was so determined to gain...that power of darkness? To rid of the pharaoh?

To get his revenge?

Ryo didn't know what to say. He had just asked the spirit about the death of his family (which wasn't exactly the type of conversation you'd have over a cup of tea and some dainty little treats).

"Anything else?" the spirit scowled. He turned around so that his back was to Ryo again.

"...Did you cry?"

"...What?"

"Did you cry? When your family was killed?"

"..."

Ryo fidgeted. He tried to prevent the awkward silence by talking some more. The words stumbled together clumsily, causing Ryo to stutter a bit. "I remember when...when I heard that Amane and Mum died...i-in that accident. It...It hit me pretty bad, I guess you could say...It was almost as if...as if a part of me died. Amane...being my...my twin...I remember I cried a lot. I know it sounds kind of...childish, to you. I know how you are about that stuff..."

Ryo paused, not knowing what else to say.

Surprisingly, Bakura broke the silence. "Once."

"Huh?" Ryo was caught off-guard when Bakura spoke.

"I did once. Just once. Right after it was all over."

"..." He cried only once? He mourned only once for his family? "...Just one time?"

"How many freaking times do I have to say it?" Bakura glared over his shoulder.

"...But..."

"But what?"

"...Weren't...Haven't you been sad all this time? Angry?"

"...Yeah."

"...Are you holding it all in?"

"_Excuse me?_" Bakura almost turned around to face Ryo completely again.

"All those...emotions...It's...not good to hold them all back like that." Ryo felt awkward talking the way he was talking. He felt like a therapist or something.

"...So?"

Ryo was baffled at the spirit's response. "What do you mean 'so?'" The boy's voice almost raised. "Bakura, if...if you're sad about it, let alone angry..." The volume in his voice dropped. "...Why not cry?"

"..."

Ryo stood there, silently, expecting a response.

And Bakura finally gave a response. "I showed weakness once. I'm not showing it again. Especially to..._you._"

Ryo was a bit insulted, but he understood. "Bakura, it's okay to cry--"

"No it's not."

"Bakura, you're being ridiculous--"

"Shut up."

"Bakura--"

"Shut up, Ryo." Bakura hardly ever said his host's name directly to him.

Ryo ignored the seriousness in the spirit's tone. "Bakura, you really should--"

"Just _shut up._"

"No, I--"

"SHUT UP!" Bakura finally turned around, and nearly lurched at Ryo's throat. He had him pinned to the ground, and nearly had the intent to kill him right then and there.

"You don't fucking understand, Ryo!! I _can't_ cry. It's because I am _not_ weak. Crying is for the weak! Crying is for the fucking mortals! The humans! I'm _not a fucking human._" The spirit was screaming at the boy, now.

"Bakura--" Ryo tried to speak.

"I don't want to hear it, Ryo! You're not a fucking therapist! The facts are _simple._ I'm _not_ human--therefore I _can't fucking cry._" Bakura felt his voice crack a second time that evening.

Ryo's eyes widened. "Bakura--"

"Just shut up! How many times do I have to--"

"Bakura, you're crying."

Time seemed to stand still. Bakura's eyes widened, but anger was still visible on his face.  
"I'm...I'm not..."

Ryo reached up, wiped a tear from the spirit's face, and showed the spirit himself. Bakura couldn't deny the wet drop resting on his host's finger.

"...The hell..." Bakura breathed. He felt like he was on the verge of going hysterical.

He tried to stop the tears, but they kept coming. They slid off his nose, cheeks, and chin--all landing on his host's face beneath him.

"The hell..." Bakura muttered. He repeated it several times, unable to comprehend.

He sat up, allowing Ryo to sit up as well.

"What the hell...what the hell...Why the hell...why..." Bakura's expression was becoming frantic. He grabbed his own hair, balling his hands into fists, nearly pulling his hair out. "Why, why, why, why, _why_--"

Ryo tried to reach out. "Bakura, calm down--"

"I can't fucking calm down!!" Bakura screamed. "Why the hell is this happening?! I-I'm not fucking human, I'm not weak, I...I can't _cry!!_" Bakura began cursing to himself again, but much louder this time.

Ryo tried to shush the spirit so he could speak, somehow managing to get him to quiet down. The tears were still falling with no explanation.

"Bakura," Ryo tried to console, "we all have our weaknesses. You may not be weak, but you have your weaknesses."

Bakura opened his mouth to protest, but Ryo continued.

"And you're right: you're not human, you're not mortal, you're just a spirit." Ryo reached out to touch the spirit's face, relief washing over him when Bakura didn't flinch or start screaming at him again. "But Bakura..." Ryo wiped a tear off his face. "You were human once. You were able to cry once. It's because you _were_, Bakura. You were able to express those emotions once, and you could again."

Bakura stared at his host, not really imbibing and believing what Ryo was telling him.

But he didn't care.

What mattered was that Ryo wouldn't see him as "weak."

All Bakura did the rest of the night was let the tears fall, knowing his host would not judge him.

Knowing that he was, indeed, human once.


End file.
